


First Time

by QueenBookBuff



Series: The Scarlet and SJ Chronicles [9]
Category: That '70s Show
Genre: All of our Tomorrows Universe, Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Boundaries, Cheating, F/M, Falling In Love, Father-Son Relationship, First Time, Flashback, Hyde trying to be a good dad, Hyde's love for Jackie, Love, Love through Touch, No Means No, Parenthood, SJ and Scarlet Hyde, She Belongs to Me Universe, The SJ and Scarlet Hyde Chronicles, married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29118393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenBookBuff/pseuds/QueenBookBuff
Summary: "Sometimes loving a woman can drive you over the edge, but it’s important to remember it's often yourself that is doing the driving. Hit the brakes and think before you say or do something you can’t take back."The First Time you are with someone you love can be earth shattering. Hyde reflects on how much Jackie means to him and what being with her physically makes him feels. He doesn't want his son to make his mistakes, and tries to tell him the difference between cheap sex and being with the woman you love.This story references She Started it First but it is not necessary to read that story to understand this one.
Relationships: Jackie Burkhart/Steven Hyde
Series: The Scarlet and SJ Chronicles [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1977190
Comments: 21
Kudos: 30





	1. I Hunger For Your Touch

**Author's Note:**

> This story is long and has lots of talking between Hyde and SJ before the flashback to Hyde and Jackie. I'm really trying to add depth to this story arc.
> 
> For all of the people who read The SJ and Scarlet Chronicles I want to again and again thank you for your comments and encouragement to keep adding to this series. My whole life I've loved stories, and created in my head what happened next when the story was over. 
> 
> The Chronicles are what have been spinning in my head since I read my very first fan fiction, and the credits rolled on That 70's show. I know this series is not everyone's cup of tea, but it fills my heart to see future Jackie and Hyde.
> 
> This section will deal with Hyde and Jackie remembering their first time, how sex complicated, nearly destroyed them, and fills them now that they are older. It will be intertwined with Scarlet and Haze having their first time, and SJ and AnneMarie. There will be three chapters. One for each... telling the story of the younger generation and how Hyde and Jackie deal with it.
> 
> This story is long and has lots of talking between Hyde and SJ before the flashback to Hyde and Jackie. I'm really trying to add depth to this story arc. Please stick with it.
> 
> I am clear in this chapter and upcoming chapters.... No means No. I don't care what is happening...a woman never deserves to be abused or taken advantage of. There is no excuse, and I want my characters to have that clear moral code. 
> 
> I know some will say that this is out of Character for Hyde, but if you really watch him in the show.... Hyde felt things deeply, it was just subtle and he hid it well. He was a very complex character. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy The Hyde Family as much as I do. I will love Jackie and Hyde forever.
> 
> QBB

Hyde was an intensely physical man. He was the guy in the group who gave a frog to the shoulder, offered a high five, or a fist of protection. Touch was how Hyde expressed his emotions. Eric could have listed a million things that proved the point. _He had never shied away from having Jackie on his lap, he had played with her hair when he was talking to the group, and his arm had always snaked around her waist._ For a guy who didn’t want people anywhere near him, he craved the touch of the ones he loved. However,he allowed almost no one but Jackie and his kids to touch him. Hyde was an affectionate father. It wasn’t unusual for him to pat or grip SJ’s shoulder in an expression of support or love. Scarlet’s feelings would be hurt if Hyde didn’t hug her when she walked in the door and kiss her forehead. He had always expressed how he felt about Jackie through physical affection. He was a man of few words, but when he touched Jackie he was giving her his heart. 

An arm around her waist was his way of saying,  _ I’ll keep you safe. I won’t ever let anything happen to you. _

Her cuddled on his lap to his chest when they were young and now was his language for, _Y_ _ ou belong here. Only you. _

Absentmindedly playing with her hair was his heart yelling, _Yo_ __u_ give me peace. _

The back of his hand gently rubbing her silky cheek was him showing the adoration he could never say but had experienced since they were young.

Every kiss, every caress, every time he worshiped at the palace of her body, he poured every emotion he couldn’t say, into her. It was his  _ I love you. _

Even if no one would ever believe it, making love with Jackie was the gospel of his heart. 

* * *

Hyde was not shy, naive, or even remotely unaware when it came to sex. He had been having sex since the age of 13, and he would never apologize for the fact that he enjoyed it. He regretted certain partners, wished he could erase them from his memory, but his guilty soul would never let him forget. He would do anything to blot out the nurse, every girl he screwed while in Vegas, and most of all Sam. If he could burn her memory from his mind and skin, he would do it immediately. He hated even after all this time he couldn't ever take back those moments, and Jackie would always know he had been with women whose sole purpose was simply to hurt her. What he would never be sorry for, ever regret, and would cherish till he took his last breath was very damn second with Jackie. 

When it came to Jackie, nothing possessed him more than touching her. It damned near consumed him sometimes. There was nothing more powerful and addictive than being with the woman you love. Hyde would be the first to admit that surge of feeling, could drive the smartest of men to be fucking stupid. His physical connection to Jackie had caused him at times to be irrational and wildly impulsive. It was that awareness that had him sitting at the kitchen table waiting for his son. 

Hyde had been studying silently and without comment the way SJ’s gaze memorized AnneMarie. He knew that expression. That face and him were old friends. It was hunger. It was want. It was a primal need to make his girl his. The only difference in that powerful stare, was Hyde could tell they hadn’t been together. SJ's eyes were lacking the sharp awareness of what it meant to have the woman you love…… And the boy loved her. He believed he was skilled at hiding shit, but it was pouring out of him. Hyde could see it in every cocky grin SJ gave when her name came up. He heard it every time he called her Annie or AM. He recognized the quiet air of happy that fell upon SJ when he thought no one was looking. 

Hyde knew what was coming, he was too damn realistic to believe two teenagers who looked at each other like that, weren’t going to have sex at some point. It wasn’t the sex he was worried about. SJ wasn’t stupid, he knew to use protection and to be respectful of women. Boundaries and treating women with the highest respect was the law of the land in his house. 

Hyde had been very blunt with SJ years ago _. “If you are going to have sex, make sure you don’t become a dad. Don’t be fucking stupid. Don’t you ever touch a woman who doesn’t want to be touched.”  _ Hyde had been perfectly clear in explaining multiple times to his son that  _ No means No _ , and harassing a girl with sexual taunts was slimy and never okay. Son or not, Hyde would throw him out and kick the shit out of SJ if he ever hurt a girl. Hell would freeze over before he raised a boy who didn’t treat women well. 

No part of this discussion was his idea of a good time, and if he was honest he would rather listen to Jackie talk about unicorns than do this. Still, it needed to be done, so he sat and waited for his dumbass son to waltz through the door. 

* * *

SJ pulled his car in the driveway, and glanced at the clock on the dash. He was perilously close to being late for curfew. He should go in, but he needed to settle himself, before he went in for the night. He wasn’t ready to shut down how he was feeling, he didn’t even know if he could. He and AnneMarie had been on a date up at the lake. The stars were beautiful there, and the night was clear. Not that he had seen much of the night sky, he had been too busy staring at AnneMarie’s face. Nothing was more beautiful than her face when it was lit up with excitement. Watching her, watching the stars, was fucking amazing, her simple pleasure in studying the night sky made her radiant. It made him want to grab her, and see if he could drive her to light up that way. Of course, he didn’t. He wasn’t one of those guys. He fucking hated guys who were aggressive and forceful with women. It didn’t mean he didn’t want to have his wicked way with her, but he would never ever go where he wasn’t clearly invited.  Even if he didn’t have his own strict moral code on this, he knew his father would kill him. Uninvited or harsh hands on a woman was a death sentence in the Hyde home. He didn't even want to imagine what his father would do to him if he did something like that. SJ was confident not even his mother could save him. 

Besides all that, SJ knew she didn’t have a ton of experience with guys. She had shyly told him so, and that made him want her even more. SJ wanted very much to be the man who gave her all the experience he ever wanted her to have. She inspired a savage need inside of him, one he was having a hard time containing. When they kissed, he felt like he was drowning in her. Tonight, when they had been kissing under the stars, he had wanted to consume her. She felt like the answer, but he didn't know the question. He leaned his head back on the headrest, and tried to collect himself. He didn’t understand how he could go from wanting and dismissing girls to being obsessed with one. The pull she had over him already was new, and it worried him a little. 

He opened his eyes, and swore “Shit.” 

He was skating the line on curfew. He got out and slammed the door. He hustled up the driveway, and stepped into the kitchen just as the clock struck midnight. He was about to take a sigh of relief, he was going to escape an ass chewing when his eyes fell on his father. Before, his dad could say a word he went on defense and blurted out,

“I’m not late. It is exactly midnight.”

Hyde rolled his eyes. His children were dramatic, and they certainly didn’t get it from him. For once, he hadn’t been watching the clock. He just wanted to talk to SJ, and he hoped his son would listen. He wasn’t optimistic. SJ listening to anyone was as rare as spotting Bigfoot. You couldn’t tell him anything. That personality quirk came from both him and Jackie, neither he or his stubborn bride were known for responding well to direction. 

Hyde was desperate for SJ to not be an idiot. While he was choosing for his own sanity to ignore the sweet tumble of first love and possibly only love with Scarlet, he knew SJ had found his Jackie. With his boy it didn’t terrorize him the same as it did with Scarlet. He was a realistic man. He knew where Scarlet and Haze were headed, but for the sake of Haze's wellbeing he was tucking that away for now. However, with his boy he was going to face it head on. When SJ stared at AnneMaire, he looked at her like she hung the damn moon, and Hyde knew one thing…. SJ was too much like him to at some point not fuck it up royally, and cause himself and AnneMarie a world of hurt. 

“Sit down SJ, I want to talk to you.” Hyde said quietly. 

SJ sighed heavily. He could never cut a break with his dad. He was annoyed already, he wasn’t even late, and his dad was going to lecture him. He dropped heavily into the kitchen chair, across from his dad, and proved he was Hyde’s son by being a total ass.

“What? What have I done this time?” he said with snark. Hyde was less than impressed. He felt his temper start to build almost immediately.

“Excuse Me?” Hyde said in a tone that SJ knew. A tone he didn’t want to get anywhere near

“Sorry.” he mumbled. He wasn’t the least bit sorry, but he was tired and was not up to sparring with his father.

Hyde took a deep breath, and reminded himself why he was doing this. He was up waiting because he wanted to have this conversation without Jackie and Scarlet anywhere near. There was no way Jackie would ever understand, and he couldn’t even deal with sex and Scarlet in the same sentence. 

“SJ, I want to talk to you about AnneMarie,” Hyde said quietly, but with a tone that suggested SJ, check his attitude.

SJ’s head snapped around to his dad. As usual, his father’s face was unreadable. His blue eyes sharp, but impossible to decode. He often wondered what super power his mother had that allowed her to read those enigmatic eyes with ease. SJ experienced a nervous storm in his stomach.

‘What about her?” he replied. Desperately trying to sound unaffected and casual.

He watched in amazement as his dad swallowed nervously. It wasn’t like his dad to hesitate. He normally just laid it on the line without fuss, or coddling. 

“What Dad?” he asked again.

Hyde took a deep breath, and just plowed ahead. There was no easy way to say this tactfully.

“I want to talk about you, AnneMarie, and sex.”

SJ’s mouth dropped open. He felt himself get flush with embarrassment. Of all the things that he anticipated could come out of his dad's mouth, those nine words never even occurred to him.

“Ummm…. What?” he replied stupidly.

Hyde sighed. This couldn’t be more awkward and uncomfortable, but he needed to grow a pair and say what needed to be said, before he said fuck it and gave up.

“Listen, SJ…. I’m not stupid. I can tell you really like AnneMarie. Until AnneMarie, you have never even bothered to refer to any girl as your girlfriend. I’m perfectly aware you’ve been having sex for a while. I am even more aware that up until this point, it has literally meant nothing to you other than just having sex. This time it's different. I want to talk to you about sex with AnneMarie.”

SJ exploded with horror “Dad! Stop! I haven’t…. We haven’t…. Nothing has happened.”

Hyde stared at his son, and said “I know nothing has happened between you, two SJ.”

That threw SJ off, he had no idea what the hell was going on with his dad, or where this was going. 

“Wait…. How do you know that?”

SJ watched his Dad’s eyes smile a little, and a smirking grin come across his face before he shut it back down.

“SJ, I know this is uncomfortable. Believe me, it's not my idea of a good time, but I know you haven’t been with her because I can see something missing on your face.”

SJ was beyond weirded out at this point. What the hell was his dad talking about? Something missing on his face? He looked closely at his father’s face, he seemed to be serious, so he wasn’t just screwing with him.

“Dad, I don’t even know what that means. How could you possibly know that? Why are we talking about this?”

Hyde sighed heavily. How did he explain what it meant to be with the woman you loved? How did he put into words the feeling that overwhelms you, and posses you? How did he find words for what happens when the woman you love gives herself to you? Hyde didn’t know how to tell his son about….

_ The desperate need that would always claw his throat  _

_ The possessiveness he would experience _

_ The jealousy that would wrack his mind and heart _

_ And mostly….how whatever he felt now for her would multiple until he couldn’t contain it.  _

Hyde didn’t realize he had fallen quiet until his son brought him back.

“Dad, if you are going to be weird and silent, can I just go bed?”

Hyde shook his head, and said forcefully, “No, and I’m not being weird. I’m trying to help you not fuck it up.”

SJ was now convinced his dad had lost his mind. He didn’t understand any of this. It wasn’t like his dad and him had not talked about sex. As a matter of fact, his father had been very blunt and explicit on the subject. It blew him away to hear his dad say he knew he had sex and it didn’t mean anything. His dad wasn’t wrong, but how the hell could he possibly know it.

“Dad, what are you trying to say? It's not like we haven't had the sex talk. I know the rules. R _espect, Protection, and Don't be a selfish asshole._ If this is a reminder because Annie and I are dating, I swear I'll never treat her anyway but how you taught me and what she deserves."

Hyde smiled at the earnest look on SJ's face. It touched him to know his son would do what he was taught, and was promising to be a gentleman. Still that was not what he was after, he had this desperate fear clawing at him. Hyde, while mostly at fault for all the heartache with Jackie, had still suffered intense pain. He didn’t want that for SJ. He didn’t want it for AnneMarie. He closed his eyes, and just threw it all out there.

“SJ, I’m normally not the type of guy who is arrogant about the subject I am about to talk about ,but truth is truth. You look almost identical to me when I was your age. I had ZERO problem getting girls. It didn’t matter that I was a burn out. It didn’t matter that girls were slumming it with me. It didn’t matter that I was fucking clear I wasn’t looking for anything but sex, girls lined up to be with the local bad boy. While, you don’t have the whole bad boy persona going on, you do have the whole I’m a rebel attitude. I am guessing, if you want a girl to mess around with, it is not a problem for you.”

His dad was staring at him straight in the eye, unblinking, and with an expression of undeniable knowledge. In general, SJ, strove never to lie to his dad, it appeared there was no point in even trying to hedge around what his dad was saying. He was still baffled to why they were having this conversation, but he knew his dad wasn’t going to end it until he made his point.

“Umm… I guess I wouldn’t say I have problems with girls liking me.” SJ replied. 

That was all he was going to say. He sure, as hell wasn’t going to tell his dad, that girls frequently threw themselves at him, and he had for sure had his fair share of just screwing around partners. 

Hyde cleared his throat, and pulled the bandage off the part that was about to get ugly.

“Is that what you are looking for with AnneMarie? To screw around and then be done? Is she the next girl to fuck and move on from?” 

Hyde knew it wasn’t. It actually made him sick to even say it. He was trying to prove a point. His son was in love. When in love.... Hyde men reacted poorly to their woman being talked about with disrespect. SJ was going to explode. That was exactly what Hyde wanted. He wanted a reaction. 

SJ felt his blood heat. He felt a growl claw up his throat. He pushed up roughly from his chair, and for the first time in his life, he wanted to take his dad on.

“What did you just say? Don’t you talk about her like that! I don’t care you are my dad, I’ll kick your ass. Take it back. She’s not that kind of girl.”

Hyde felt his heart sigh a little. There was his son, ready to attempt to take him on, because he said something about his girl. This was the whole point. SJ was headed somewhere he didn’t understand. Hyde didn’t know that any man understood it, but Hyde wanted to be what he never had…. A guide. 

“Sit the hell down. I know she isn’t. I’m very aware that you don’t view her that way. I said it to prove a point. I’m sorry. AnneMarie is a lovely girl, I actually like her.”

SJ gaped at his father. He slowly sat down. It was now 12:30 in the morning, he didn’t understand what was going on. He was fucking blown away, his dad had actually apologized. On top of that he said he liked AnneMarie, that was like the Pope naming someone a saint. It was rare and hardly ever bestowed. 

He was getting frustrated, and even though he knew better he barked at his father “Dad, can you just tell me what the hell you are trying to say? I’m so confused at this point, and I would really like to go to bed.”

Hyde stared at his son, and did something he had never done with either of his children. Something, he knew, had been hinted at, but was a major gap in his children’s understanding of him and Jackie. He decided it was time to tell SJ the truth.

“Steven James….”

SJ’s head snapped fully to attention. His dad, _NEVER,_ called him by his full name. His dad was the best at respecting his desire to be called SJ. Even when he was getting his ass chewed, his dad stuck with SJ. Whatever he was going to say was serious, and SJ knew to be silent.

“Here is the thing. At some point you are going to sleep with AnneMarie. I know you would rather jump off a cliff than talk about this with me, but I need you to understand something. When you have sex with a woman, you care about, love, or who is your heartbeat, it rocks your fucking world. It literally changes everything. You won’t look at her the same. You won’t feel the same. It’s going to fuck with your head. It’s going to fuck with your heart, and it’s going to make you stupid. You are going to view her as yours. The mere idea that any other guy looks at her, talks to her, or seems to get her attention is going to drive you out of your fucking mind.”

SJ didn’t think this night could get any weirder, but his dad just kept taking it up a notch, before he could reply, his dad continued. For a minute his dad’s eyes were wide open, and he could see the long miles of life in them. He could see his mom.

“SJ, I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. I forgot your mom, loved me. I forgot I could trust her more than any human on earth. I let petty jealousy and insecurity fuel my decisions SJ, the minute I was with your mom......”

SJ interrupted “DAD! I don’t want to hear about mom. EW! Seriously… she’s my mom.”

Hyde rolled his eyes. “I know she is. I married her. I’m very aware she is your mom SJ. What you don’t know is she almost wasn’t your mom because I was a fucking idiot and cheated on her.”

There were things in this world that SJ counted on and one of them was his Dad’s undying love for his mom. He had spent his whole life hearing how they had been in love since childhood. They were the great love story…. Jackie and Hyde. He had watched his father fall apart when his mom almost died. He broke, it was still the scariest thing SJ had ever witnessed. His mother glowed with her love for his dad. It positively beamed out of her. It was ridiculous how wrapped up in each other they could get. How many times had Scarlet and him laughed or talked about how intune their parents were? He couldn’t fathom his dad hurting his mom that way. He wasn’t sure he believed him.

“No way dad. You would never do that to mom. Never. She’s your whole world.”

Hyde felt his son’s words penetrate the most vulnerable part of his heart. The space that still felt great shame for hurting his Doll. The part that loved her so much, that he reacted before he thought. The part that pulsed in fear daily he would lose her. The part he had listened to when he made every fucked up impulsive decision that led them down the road to hell. 

“SJ…. Loving your mom has never been my problem. The minute I was with her. The mere idea she could be with anyone else drove me out of my mind. I made a snap decision based on something I observed one time, and decided she cheated on me. I slept with someone else just to hurt her. I was wrong. I’ve never been so wrong in my life. She didn’t cheat on me. Not even close. I was so clouded by my insane need for her, that I saw what I wanted to see. The fucked up thing is….. She forgave me, and during one of the worst moments of our lives together, I let anger fuel my decision making again. Except the second time…. I nearly killed her. I nearly killed myself. Loving her is like breathing, I do it without thinking, it’s the easiest thing in the world. It’s sharing her with the rest of the world that has been the challenge of my life. 

By some fucking miracle…… and I mean miracle, she forgave me. I didn’t deserve it. SJ, I’m not fucking around…. There is no one who has hurt your mom more than me. It’s been a long time, since I was, that damn stupid, but it doesn’t change that I crushed her. It doesn't mean I didn’t lead us on a path to destruction.”

SJ was stunned. He didn’t know what to think. He had never even considered his father could even do something like that. He still wasn’t sure what this had to do with him and AnneMarie.

“Dad, what does all of that have to do with me AnneMarie?”

Hyde looked at SJ, and softly replied,

“SJ, imagine watching AnneMarie flirt with other guys. Imagine witnessing a guy hug her. Imagine her laughing with some guy you hate. Visualize finding her with her head on a shoulder that doesn’t belong to you. Ask yourself what you would do if you found her hand wrapped around another guy’s or if you found her in the arms of a guy who wasn’t you?”

SJ felt himself go raw. All those ideas inspired a deep rage in him. It made him want to find these imaginary guys and tear them apart. Hyde watched his son’s face. He could see the anger cloud his face. The monster of a temper SJ had inherited from him was smiling in his boy’s eyes, and it scared the hell out of Hyde. It was the need to lash out and hurt before thinking. Hyde wanted him to learn to control that impulse. This next part was awkward, but he wanted to drive his point home.

“I can see you getting pissed just thinking about it. You haven’t had sex with her, but when you do the mere idea someone could touch, what you think belongs to you is going to make you stupid. Once you make her yours in the most intimate and personal way…. SJ, you won’t go back. Because you love her SJ. I can see it all over you. It won’t be sex. It won’t be fucking. It won’t be for physical release. It’s going to mean everything, and it’s going make you wild with feeling. My whole point is…. Don’t be me. Don’t let anger cloud your judgment. Remember she loves you, no matter how certain you think you are. No matter how right you think you are, remember she loves you.”

SJ sometimes forgot how perceptive his dad was. He had barely acknowledged he loved AnneMarie to himself, and here was his dad telling him he loved AnneMarie. He didn’t know how he felt about that. He also still couldn’t process his dad cheating on his mom, it seemed completely opposite of his father’s nature. 

“Dad, how old were you when you cheated on mom?”

Hyde felt like it was yesterday as opposed to 20 plus years.

“The first time I was 17 and your mom was 16. The second time I was 19 and she was 18. It doesn’t matter how old we were. I caused damage, I can never take back SJ. Sometimes loving a woman can drive you over the edge, but it’s important to remember it's often yourself that is doing the driving. Hit the brakes and think before you say or do something you can’t take back. Promise you won’t be me.”

SJ looked at his dad. He could see the pain of regret in his eyes. He could see the desperate, and endless love for his mom. It was written on his face clearly what his mom meant to him. She was his everything, and that was his cross and blessing to bear. SJ finally got what this was all about. His dad didn’t want to see him hurt. He was trying to help him escape heartbreak. It was rare for his dad to be this opened, but for once he could identify clearly how much his dad loved him. He was trying to protect him from hell. He felt himself get choked up. What was always so plain to see on his father’s face for Scarlet, was for once painfully evident for him. His dad loved him, and didn’t want him to hurt.

“I promise Dad. I won’t be you, but I want to be you in how you love mom. I want to love AnneMarie like that, and I want her to love me like mom loves you.”

He hurried out of the room, so he didn’t see his dad’s head drop to his hand. He didn’t hear him whisper,

_ “That’s what I’m scared of. God, please let him be smarter than me. Let his heart be left without regret.” _

* * *

Hyde got up slowly feeling a million years old. He headed to bed taking the backstairs from the kitchen, as soon he rounded the corner to start the climb he came face to face with Jackie. She was curled up on the steps. Her eyes full of tears and love for him. He hung his head…. So much for Jackie not knowing about his conversation. 

“How much did you over hear and why aren't you asleep?” he asked quietly.

Jackie looked up at the man who she had loved her whole life, and told a truth he knew, but must have forgotten. 

“I can’t sleep without you. I woke up, came down and heard you talking. I couldn’t help but listen.”

He was mildly annoyed at her, but it was not enough to matter. He plopped down next to her, and curled her up on his lap. All his tension started to melt, her being close to him was the ultimate balm. He said not a word, he knew she wouldn’t be able to stop herself.

“Baby, I forgave you such a long time ago. When will you forgive yourself? We were kids. Two kids who had life hand them mistrust and screwed up views of love. We overcame it. I love you more than my heart can hold. I hate you still beat yourself up for what happened so long ago.” 

Jackie cradled his face while she said it. His eyes were full of everything he felt for her. He dropped his head to hers and whispered

“I don’t care Jackie. What I did was wrong. I’ll never stop being sorry for hurting you. I love you more than my own life.”

She knew it. She felt it. This man. This worthy man, would walk through fire for her. She was overwhelmed by what she heard him tell SJ. She found herself flashing back to the first time they made love. She pulled him close, and let herself get lost in the memory of one of the best days of her life. The day she gave herself to the man she loved.

_ Their First Time _

She had decided she couldn’t hold back how she felt anymore. She had loved him forever. She was tired of not being with who she really wanted. She was tired of being a coward. She was tired of being worried she would lose if she asked for more. She couldn’t take it anymore. It was pure impulse of the heart. Jackie couldn’t stand to be separated from him anymore. She was going to put her heart down on the biggest gamble of her life.

She jumped up, ran out of her room and straight out into a driving storm. She barely felt the rain on her skin. She had one mission, she was going to tell Steven how she felt. She was pushing them across the line. When she arrived at the Formans' house, the storm was wild. A brief moment of sanity crossed her mind that she should wait, but her need for him drove her out of the car. Her clothes instantly plastered to her body. She skidded on the wet sidewalk and fell. She absently sensed her skin rip across the cement, but it was nothing compared to her driving need to see him. She was up in seconds, down the basement stairs throwing open the door. There he was, obviously, startled by her entrance. Now that she was in front of him, her apprehension clouded her senses and turned her mute. Steven took one look at her and dashed to her side. In his usually style he began to yell at her in worry. 

“Jesus Jackie! Why would you come out in this weather? You don't even have an umbrella. We’ve talked about this. You have to have better common sense.” 

Another chapter added to the endless series of lectures about taking care of herself. She thought to herself absently. It was such a far away thought it went as swiftly as it came. Jackie was still lost in the storm of feelings in her, she was still staring at him dumbly. 

  
  


“Jackie, are you okay?” he puzzled out. Perplexed by her silence.

Unblinking she grabbed is hand and said softly, 

“Steven look at me.”

He stopped scanning her for injuries and did what she asked. He stared straight in those hypnotic eyes. 

He gasped softly. She was hiding nothing, she was finally telling him out loud how she felt. 

He stepped forward and rested his head on hers. The minute his head touched hers, the flames of life licked through her body

“Why Now?” he whispered

She said seriously and forcefully for she wanted him to have no doubt.

“I’m tired. I’m tired of pretending I’m upset he left. I’m tired of hiding who I want. I’m tired of selling myself short because I’m worried you don’t want me, the way I want you. I’m tired of hiding behind and clinging to Kelso because I live in fear of losing you. I want to be with you. This is my stand Steven.”

She watched a thousand feeling erupt on his normally guarded face. He grabbed her face gently and said with reverence. 

“Doll” 

For the second time in her life, she kissed the only boy she had ever wanted. As soon as his lips hit hers, she experienced that click again, an utter balance, and she knew he was who she needed. 

  
  


They hadn’t moved an inch from the door, the rain was still blowing around them. They had become oblivious to the world. Her heart slammed in her chest. Her want was near suffocating her, and she can’t hold it back anymore. She wanted him to have her all. 

She reached up and brushed his cheek, and she took a nervous breath. 

“Steven I want to be with you. I want you to make me yours. Please.”

  
  


He was stunned silent. She stared at him, and arched her eyebrow in challenge. 

“Jackie, are sure?” he whispered

His eyes were so tender, she nearly melted. In all the years she had known Steven she had never seen him so open and unguarded. It was causing her body to near explode with need and feeling. She could feel her body vibrating. It both scared and thrilled her this wild need she had for him. She didn’t know how to give him comfort she was serious. The only thing she could think of was to bare her soul inside her eyes. He had always found comfort and knowledge when she spoke her heart to him with her gaze.

“Steven, look at me,  **_Really_ ** look at me.” She pulled his forehead to hers. 

She had been saying this and doing this to him since she was little. They have always been able to read each other. This expression came to be in the middle of their first fight, and she couldn't get him to listen. She had grabbed him and yelled

_ “STEVEN! Look at me. Really look at me!”  _

It was that moment in a middle of a stupid squabble their souls became connected for life. He had been 10, and she 9, but they had understood a million things in that moment.

Those words were code for…. she needed him to know the real her. 

She watched his whole body shift in understanding. He didn’t even hesitate, to see her, connect with her, and know her this way. This was something she shared with no one but him. This was solely for him. 

She called into her eyes her almost overflowing need, want and love for him.

“Baby” he gruffly whispered as her heart became evident to him.

He scooped her up and on instinct, her petite legs clenched around his waist.

She grabbed his face and kissed him. There is no more softness; this kiss is ravenous, full of need, and want. REAL WANT. 

Her hunger fueled the fire in him, she can detect it. His kiss while tender is rough with unspoken desire. He is clutching her, and she is praying silently he will never let her go.

He carried her back into his room, kicking the door shut behind him. Not once breaking contact from her lips. She felt like he was literally drinking her in and it was doing something to her that she couldn’t explain. If you could get drunk on a person than she was near plowed on Steven J. Hyde.

He laid her down softly on the cot, treating like the doll he called her. It was so sweet and loving, that she nearly cried. The reverence in his touch is pushing her to an emotional edge her body has never experienced. She had slept with Kelso, but she might as will be a virgin because everything was new to her. 

This man touching her was _“Steven”._ _Her Steven_ , someone that was a stranger to everyone else, and she was giving him back the Jackie only for him. 

He stroked her hair out of his way and rubbed her cheek. She leaned into the caress. She was starving for real affection and tenderness, and he was giving her what her heart craved. She was overwhelmed by what he made her feel. A tear spills out. 

He clenched “Jackie?”

She watched him panic. He forgot she could read him as perfectly as he could read her, and she saw worry sweep across his features. She grabbed his face and said with a fierceness 

“I love you so much. I am so tired of hiding it and dreaming you want me to.

Her words clear the hesitation from his face, and he started to place soft and reverent kisses all over her face, neck and chest.

Every button on her wet crop top is slowly replaced with his mouth. The heat of his mouth on her chilled skin is intoxicating. When he gets her top off, she gives him the shock of his life

“Jesus Jackie” he muttered to her.

She is completely bare chested. She could feel her breasts were pert from cold and desire simultaneously. He smiled wickedly at her and began to devour her.

“Steven” She murmured out her voice throaty with pleasure.

The rest of her clothes and all of his come off quickly.

He covered her with his body, and she almost died simply from having him hold her so close to his naked body.

He nuzzled into her hair and whispered

“Be sure. Please be sure. There's not going back. It will never be the same.”

She whispered with firmness and fierceness in return

“I don't want to go back.”

He came out of her neck and kissed her deeply. 

He took his knee and gently parted her legs. He grabbed her wrists and raised them above her head, his eyes never leaving hers, and he slid into her. Jackie couldn’t stop herself from purring at the pleasure of having him inside her. 

As his body joined Jackie’s, all she could think was **“I’m his. He is mine. I’ll never belong to anyone else”** Her heart was singing at her dreams coming true. She had never been so filled with rapture, and unexplainable joy.

  
  
  


They moved in perfect rhythm. Watching his eyes while he was inside her was her new place to be. She never wanted to be parted from him. She was sure in this moment she simply belonged to him, mind, body and soul. She was close to her peak and cried his name in desperation.

“Steven, Please.”

He thrusts into her deeply and said, 

“You are mine now. You are mine.”

Her eyes blazed and her body tightened around him, and they crashed over the wave together.

She’s laid with Steven a million times. It's one of the ways they had been taking care of each other since they were young.

He crawled in bed and held her the night her house went mad with anger and hate, and she was scared.

She kept him close when Edna was violent, and he had hidden in her closet. After her parents said goodnight, she ran to the closet and forced him out. She had drug him into her dainty pink Unicorn Bed. Although he was three times her size, she refused to let him go.

He gathered her close after she had almost been raped and soothed her until she fell asleep. It was one of the rare times he stayed the whole night. He never let her go, not once. 

But this…. Him holding her after being together blew all of their moments out of the water.

Their bodies were still pressed together, not an inch of space between them, and she knew this day will be permanently etched on her soul. 

Her heart was so full, that her sated body was quickly lulled by the beat of his heart, and she fell asleep in his arms.

  
  


* * *

The Stairs

It wasn’t unusual for Jackie to grow quiet when he was holding her. It was fairly typical for her to drift away quickly when she was close to him like this, but it had only been a few minutes. He gently called to her.

“Hey Doll, did you fall asleep on me?” 

His quiet voice jarred her back. Heated by the memory of yesterday, and what an incredible man he is. She pulled his face to hers, and kissed him passionately. 

“Steven, take me upstairs and make me yours. Love me. I need you.”

Hyde didn’t need anything else. He picked her up. Just like long ago her legs came around him instantly. He was kissing her and carrying her at the same time. Nothing would ever sate him when it came to her. It was far from the first time, but every time with Jackie was like the first. He would never get tired of telling her, he loved her this way.


	2. You Are The Only One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loving Steven Hyde has been the great battle of Jackie's life. Once again she fights the dark to bring him home to the light. For the First time, he gives her a piece of himself he has always hidden. With that knowledge Jackie knows she has to prepare her daughter for the same fight.
> 
> *Reading Terrible Things In Common is Helpful, but not completely necessary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UGH!!!!! I have rewritten this section of the Chronicles a million times. Leave it to me to make it complicated. I wanted to refocus a bit on the love Jackie and Hyde share before diving in to Scarlet/Haze and SJ/Annemarie.
> 
> It is cold has hell where I live, so I have had plenty of time to write :)
> 
> To all of you who read my stories, and encourage me with your comments..... you continue to give me confidence. You continue to help me towards my dream of one day writing my own book.
> 
> PS-Not too long ago I read a note where an author said her country was in major unheavel. I want you to know that if you say you are troubled..... I always think of you and pray. I am always sending love. I believe there is nothing more powerful than a story. It is how we connect and share ourselves. We do it through books, TV, Movie, Fan Fiction... whatever way we find a different world. 
> 
> If you share a story..... and I connect with it.... you forever have a part of me. Be Well to anyone who needs it. You matter to anyone who thinks differently, and you are important.
> 
> Peace, Love, and Rock Roll.  
> QBB

Jackie was jerked awake by her husband thrashing around next to her violently. She immediately sprung to action. He was having another nightmare, and he had a tough time coming out of them.

“Steven, baby…. Wake up. You are home with me in bed.” She crooned out gently. 

She knew better than to touch him until he was awake. Sadly, she had learned early on in their marriage, he would react physically if she touched him. For the briefest of moments she flashed back to the first time she witnessed him having a nightmare.

* * *

_ Jackie was bolted awake by Steven yelling “No.”  _

_ Her eyes jumped to her husband, whose whole body was tense, and his face full of fear. She had never seen him like this. Jackie grabbed his arm to shake him awake. Still, asleep he yelled “Don’t touch me” and he roughly pushed her as hard as he could. Jackie’s tiny frame, not braced for force, flew out of bed, and hit the floor hard. She cried out in pain, and that was what woke him up. _

_ Hyde had been trapped in his own private hell. It had been him, Edna, and Jackie. Those were the worst, when his mind took overused memories and brought Jackie in as guest star. He had felt Edna touch him, and this time he was fighting back, he had to protect Jackie. Then he heard a yell, and the world he was stuck in started to fade away. He heard soft cries, and in his muddled state finally connected that sound with Jackie. _

_ “Jackie!” he yelped. _

_ He was out of the bed and to her in less than a second. “Baby, what happened?” _

_ Jackie looked at his worried face. He had no idea that he had shoved her out of bed. His eyes frantically searched her for injury. His hands gently wandered over her body in a soothing motion. She didn’t think and blurted out harshly in her worry for him, _

_ “Why happened? Are you kidding? You were having a bad dream. I tried to wake you up and you shoved me out of bed.” _

_ The minute it was out of her mouth she was sorry, she said it. His face went corpse white, and his hands dropped from her instantly.  _

_ “I touched you? I did this? Jackie…. I’m so sorry.”  _

_ She was about to tell him it was okay, when he bolted to the bathroom and got violently ill.  _

  
  


The rest of the night had been hellish. She had seen him in all states of emotion, but the idea he laid hands on her, even in a dream, had flattened him. He wouldn't stop apologizing. The worst had been when he begged her to not leave him. Jackie had tried to hug him, give him the physical assurance she knew he needed but, he refused to let her touch him. He was unglued in fear he would hurt her. It had taken a very long month before she finally got him to sleep in the same bed with her again, to touch her in any manner, to explain the nightmares, and for her to promise she would never ever touch him again in a bad dream until he was awake and aware. 

After years of marriage, and many nights of him jerking awake, Jackie knew what to do. She repeated her original statement.

“Steven, baby…. Wake up. You are home. With me in bed.”

She quickly got out of bed, and turned the bathroom light on. He would get sick. He always did. Jackie called to him again, this time with a little more force. This time she used a trigger word. Something that coming from her, even his dreams would pull him out.

“HYDE!” 

He sat straight up, his eyes wild on hers. She was across the room, like she promised him she would always be. It amazed her a name that the rest of the universe called him from her, would always cause a reaction.

She counted in her head, waiting for the next part of the routine. His eyes slid away from hers, he jumped up, ran to their private bathroom, slammed the door, and she heard him start to get sick. Jackie so desperately wanted to go in there and comfort him, but he hated her to see him like this. She crawled into bed, to prepare for the next step in the routine,  _ the fight.  _

  
  


Hyde laid his head on the cool lid of the toilet, and wished for the millionth time his dreams would go away forever. It was cruel, how they would lay dormant for lengthy periods of time, and then like a virus invade his mind out of nowhere. He lifted his head, and scooted himself against the door, and let his head fall back. Here was Hyde’s secret…. He experienced everything. His emotions had always been huge, and overwhelming. He had spent his life locking them down, and making sure people didn’t know he hurt, loved, or had weakness. When you lived the life he had, weakness led to someone hurting you. 

So, he had spent years covering hurt with mockery, loss with indifference, pain with exterior strength, and love with cool zen. The only person who had ever been able to crack his shields was the petite woman who was on the other side of the door waiting for him to come and fight with her. She would want to talk about it, hold him, try to make it better and all Hyde wanted to do was go back to sleep and forget in his dreams he remembered

_ His mother beat him _

_ His stomach cruel with hunger _

_ His body clenched with cold _

_ His heart fucking broken _

Now he got to add what Haze told him. Now in his dreams the damn kid who had put stars in his little girl’s eyes had a starring role. Tonight’s marquee hell was Edna trying to kill Haze instead of him. Since the moment SJ and Scarlet had been laid in his arms, all he had ever wanted and dared to pray for was they would never know the world he came from, and it would never brush against them. Hyde knew hi pray wasn’t going to be answered for Scarlet. He didn’t want it. It made him sick,his heart rebelled against it, but he knew like he knew Jackie was on the other side of the door, that Haze looked at Scarlet and saw salvation from the dark. The dark he never wanted his baby girl to know.

  
  


Jackie heard him rise from the door. She sat quickly, went back to the side of the bed and waited for him. She was determined to not fight with him this time, to only give him what he needed. He stepped out. His face shuttered and shut down. She waited for him to make the first move. Jackie Burkhart Hyde was an expert on Steven James Hyde. This was a game she knew how to play.

His weary voice told her that he was in a worse place than usual. This dream had more to it.

“I’m sorry I woke you. I’m ready to go back to bed.”

Hyde watched at her, waiting for him, and he wanted to fall on his knees and thank God for the millionth time she had forgiven him. Her eyes were luminous with love for him. Why she wanted his fucked soul he had never been to understand. 

“It’s okay. I wasn’t sleeping anyway.” She tried to humor out, to help him relax.

Hyde, while normally appreciated her trying to make him feel better, didn’t have any use for it right now. It made him impatient with her.

“Jackie….” he growled.

Jackie only smiled her special smile for him, and gazed at him with all her love. She hated she had to ask, but after a nightmare he insisted she ask. He believed it was for her safety. Which she thought was ridiculous, but there was no reasoning with him when it involved her and her well being. 

“May I touch you?”

He only nodded. It was like she was whirlwind, she was off the bed, dragging him into bed, and pulling him to her chest. Her fingers instantly in his hair. Jackie knew he loved nothing more than her fingers wrapped in his curls, lightly scratching his scalp. She felt his body relax, and he began to absently run his fingers up and down her arm. Jackie was determined to not fight him this time, or beg him to talk. Instead, she just tried to absorb his pain. It killed her that he hurt, that he had been abused. Edna inspired a nasty violence in Jackie, and if the day should come they ever crossed paths, Edna Hyde would rue the day she ever touched her son. Her dreams of ending Steven’s mother were interrupted by his soft voice.

“I’m waiting for you to ask and try to get me to talk about it. I won’t rest until we get that part over.”

It had no malice, only the weariness of knowing a pattern and wanting it completed.

“I decided I wasn’t asking this time. It doesn’t do any good. I push. You shut down. I get mad. You shut down more, and then we end up making love. While I have no problem with the last part, I figured maybe you would appreciate it if I didn’t ride your ass this one time. It seemed like a bad one, and I don’t want to make it worse. I love you, baby. All I want is to make you feel better.”

Hyde felt a weird sense of disappointment. She never let him be. In the story of their lives, she had never not pushed him to talk, he didn’t really know what to say. She was right…. He was loathed to speak of it, but the question that had formed in his head when he walked out of the bathroom, escaped before he could shut it down.

“Why are you with me? I’m so fucked up Jackie. I always have been. I know you love me, but why? You could have had anyone. Why me? I’m always going to have nightmares. I’m always going to have scars that show where I come from. I’m never going to be able to express my emotions easily. Why pick a man whose mother abandoned him? A man who fucked you over so many times, it isn’t even funny. I don’t understand.”

Hyde closed his eyes tightly, against the question. He was stunned he let that out, yet he was a man who was honest, he knew why he wanted to know. He wanted to know why his daughter would pick Haze. 

For a long time silence wrapped around him, and his heart started to beat heavily. Her not answering was bringing back old wounds. He had just been about to pull away, when he felt tears in his hair. Hyde felt like shit. Now he had made her cry. This time he did pull back, and her eyes nearly broke him to tears himself. They were hurt. 

“Doll, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean….”

Her fingers lightly shushed his lips, and for the first time in her life she spoke near without sound.

“Why? Because you are everything. You always have been. Steven you are the air in my lungs. The blood that keeps my heart pumping. Your voice is the song in my heart and brain. The mere idea of you is what fires my body to life. There is no why. There is only acceptance of certainty. The certainty that you are my everything.”

Hyde experienced every word like a balm on his wounds, and his words to Haze came slamming back.

_ “Haze, that is shit no kid or person should have to live through. Your scars will never go away, but here is something I learned and, it took me a long and fucked up road to get to this place…… Your scars and past don’t dictate your future. If you let them, you let those mother fuckers who hurt you win. More importantly, a woman who loves you unconditionally can heal them” _

For the first time in a long time he wanted to tell her everything. He said nothing to her about what she said, instead he gave her what she wanted more. He told her about the dreams. He told her about what Haze had been through. He told her his fears that even after years of safety, still inspired horror in his sleep. He gave her the part of him that he never let see the light of day. He poured it out, until his mind was exhausted. He fell asleep, soothed by her soft scratching, and the lullaby of her heart. 

Jackie knew the minute he was fully asleep. It took the strongest amount of will she had not to sob when he poured everything out. Her pain would send him into overdrive, so she sucked it up. Jackie waited until he was deeply asleep, and pulled herself out from him, and went down to their basement. She knew better to make any sound. She grabbed a towel and wept wildly for him; for every cut, bruise, and the horrible idea that he believed he deserved it. Jackie sobbed for Haze and the horror he had lived. Her mother’s heart ached for him. Even, if her Steven didn’t know it, she knew why he talked to her. He was an incredible father. Him opening up pieces of himself he kept locked deep down was for Scarlet. It was his way of telling her that someone had to prepare his baby what it means to love a man whose scars will never go away. Jackie didn’t know how he could even ask  _ why.  _ This was  _ why. _ Steven’s capacity to love was enormous, and she bathed in that glory every day. 

Loving Steven James Hyde was and could still be a battlefield, but Jackie was a general in the field. She rose from her tears, like a phoenix from the ashes, confident in her ability to prepare her daughter for the toughest battle of her life. 


	3. Take Me To Church

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Redemption you can find in another person can heal the soul. Hyde is reminded that Jackie's love for him has always been his savior, while his daughter becomes a reason to have faith for a boy who had stopped believing. 
> 
> Does Reference Terrible Things in Common

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: I wrote Caleb and Scarlet's first time almost 6 months ago. Much of the Chronicles are already written, as they sprang to life as I wrote She Belongs To Me. It has taken me serious amounts of time to polish and refine this, and make it flow properly.
> 
> The first part is heavy on Scarlet and Haze, and the chapter ends with Jackie and Hyde.
> 
> I love these Characters. For those who love them as much I do..... thanks for your words that keep me going.
> 
> I love the Book and Movie The Princess Bride. There is a small nod to that love story.
> 
> QBB

Haze had laughed, mocked, and judged anyone who said a woman could possess you. He was man enough to admit when he was wrong, because Kathleen Scarlet Hyde never left him. She was all he could think about. Haze glimpsed her when he was working. Her light laugh filled his head during school when he was attempting to make it through his mind numbing classes. Her presence kept him company when he couldn’t sleep, and when he finally did find rest she taunted him in his dreams. Haze dreamt of her next to him, dancing with him, kissing him, and his personal favorite.... her under him. Haze had longed lost the horny of a young teenage boy where he panted after a girl, but his desire to be with her was painful. He was a master at reigning in his wants, but she could tempt a priest. Haze was absolutely positive should the day come, Scarlet was comfortable being with him, it would be his new religion. He was more than prepared to worship at the temple of her body, and get lost in the hymn of what he was convinced would be her response to him.

That was exactly what he was daydreaming about in the middle of his Advanced Literature Class. Despite his delinquent status, and his habit of ditching school, Haze was highly intelligent. He knew he was the kid whose teachers shook their head and said if only he applied himself he could go far. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate learning, it just wasn’t practical. He had bills to pay, and his goal was to get the hell out of high school, and work full time. Sure he wanted more, but he was a realist. He knew any form of college would have to come in the form of night school or a class here and there. Haze didn’t live in a world where he could go off to college and live a life of not worrying. So instead of being focused on the _Epic Tale of Wesley and Buttercup,_ he was focused on the path his heart was taking. If he could have seen his own face at that moment he would have been horrified. A soft smile had snuck across his face, and his marble green eyes had liquefied. For once, there wasn’t a trace of the horrors of life inside his gaze. What they were full of, was her. Of every minute they had spent together since homecoming, every kiss, every conversation, even their stupid fight about him not taking his shirt off. Haze was still weirded out on a fundamental level about finding common ground with Scarlet’s father in that area, but he didn’t want to think about that. He wanted to think about them making up. Haze’s new favorite memory took him away.

* * *

_ Haze stumbled into his apartment, and plopped onto his couch. As soon as he had pulled himself together, he had left the Hyde house quickly. There wasn’t any part of him that was ready to tell Scarlet about his history. He was pretty sure when she knew what he came from, despite her dad’s background or her soft heart, she would bail…… who would want to be with a guy whose dad was in jail for murder? That is what he came from. He came from a man who killed his wife and tried to kill his son. The blackness of that was something Haze wanted Scarlet nowhere near.  _

_ He wanted to be annoyed with her for throwing a fit, and storming off. He wanted that to be the end of them, proof they didn’t belong together, but the mere idea of her not being in his world made him sick. She had quickly become his center. It both filled and terrified him. Haze didn’t want anyone to be his center again. He didn’t want personal attachments, because losing people was fucking awful. The loss of his mother, and steered him away from establishing connections. He was lost trying to figure out how he was supposed to approach Scarlet after their fight. He didn’t know how to do this…….be a boyfriend. Have fun with a girl and move on….he was a pro, but actually care and be in a relationship, he was lost. It scared him shitless he wanted to actually be with her, not screw her, but be with her. To bask and soak up everything that was Scarlet. Haze shook his head, none of this was doing him any good, what he needed was to think it out his favorite way, he would go box. Get it all out, so it didn’t come out in a way he would regret. He strode to the door, and ripped it open. There stood Scarlet, her hand raised in a knock never delivered.  _

_ He was so startled by her sudden appearance it caused him to snap “What the hell are you doing here? I thought your dad didn’t let his princess come to a boy’s house where he lived alone?” _

_ It was rude. It was mean. It was his classic defense mechanism when he didn’t know what else to do. He watched her eyes drop, and he immediately felt like an ass. Haze simply stood there, and waited for her to get to the point. _

_ “I just wanted to come over and tell you how sorry I was for how I acted. Daddy, doesn’t know I’m here. I went for a drive, and found myself on your doorstep, because I couldn’t get the sick feeling out of my stomach, I messed us up by acting like a spoiled brat.”  _

_ Her voice was toneless, and Haze hated to hear her sound the way she did.  _

_ “Look at me.” He didn’t ask, it was a direction.  _

_ Her eyes rose to his. Sorry and Shame were written in her gaze. Scarlet was an open book. She could hide nothing. Her feelings lived in her eyes as clear as words on a page. Fear was trembling in them, fear she had ruined them. Shame that she had been thoughtless danced with the wild green, and regret swirled around the melted chocolate hue that mixed with the green.  _

_ Haze didn’t think, he reacted, which seemed to be his constant state with her. He grabbed her tight to his chest. _

_ “You didn’t mess us up. I’m not even really mad at you. I just….” He stopped. Again at the threshold of telling her the truth.  _

_ Scarlet pulled back and cupped his face.“I was wrong, and whatever reason you have for keeping your shirt on, you will tell me when you are ready. I was horrible and a brat.” _

_ She put her lips on his, and kissed him with her heart. Screaming her apology with frantic need. Haze fell into her. He stepped back into the apartment, throwing the door shut, never breaking contact, and pulled her onto the couch. They kissed until her lips were fat with roses, and he wanted to pluck them with his teeth. _

_ She pushed him back a little, taking a steadying breath. She dropped her forehead to his, closed her eyes and whispered, “I need us to stop. I don’t understand what you do to me and make me feel. Is that okay? Are we okay?” _

_ Haze took the back of his hand and stroked her cheek, completely turned on by her innocence, and said, _

_ “It’s always okay. I don’t ever want you to be uncomfortable. Ever. Scarlet, if I’m kissing you and it makes you stressed, then we stop. If I’m holding your hand and you don’t like it, then we stop. If I touch your arm, and it makes you feel weird, then Tiny…. I’ll stop. We are okay. I promise. About this and about earlier.” _

_ At calling her Tiny, she looked at him and smiled brilliantly. She kissed him gently, and said back, “I better go, before my dad starts to wonder where I am.” _

__

* * *

Haze was brought back to the tedious world that was his English class by his teacher reading out loud from The Princess Bride. A line penetrated his daydream changing his life. 

_ “I’ll tell you the truth and it's up to you to live with it.” _

He was pretty sure he was in love with The Princess of Madison High. If he had a shot in hell at happiness he needed her to know everything. Haze needed to know if she could hear his truth and live with it. He was going to wager on the girl with the Calico Eyes.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


Haze was tense and pacing his apartment. He was waiting for Scarlet to arrive. They had been together now for six months. It floored him how in such a short time she had become the center of his world. He had known his whole life she was special. Hell, he had been attracted to her since they were young. What he didn’t know was she would become as vital to him as breathing. Haze was stepping into uncharted territory tonight, and he hoped to God for once in his life things would work out for him. A knock on the door, caused his frantic heartbeat to jump. He steadied himself, ready to open the threshold to what he hoped would be the rest of his life. Haze swung open the door, and there Scarlet stood. She looked like the princess she was. She wore a long red dress that was off the shoulder, and he so desperately wanted to kiss the bare skin just begging to be touched.

Scarlet was greeted by a Caleb with his softest gaze. Warm, sweet, and incredibly happy to see her. He reached out to her and wrapped her into his arms.

“Hey baby. You look beautiful. I’m happy to see you.”

She snuggled in on his words. He was radiating warmth, and she was pretty sure it was all for her. Caleb wasn’t outwardly warm or soft very often, not even with her. He treated her like she was delicate, but rarely was it expressed outwardly on his face or written in his body language. Tonight, all his yesterdays were erased off his face. 

“I love this dress. You look magnificent Tiny. “

He had asked her to wear something special, because he was going to do something so out of his nature it scared the crap out of him. He had invited her over which meant lying to her father, which was a big deal. Scarlet had told him honesty was supreme in her house. She didn’t lie to her dad and if she did it was usually to cover for SJ. She had told her dad he was picking her up at AnneMarie’s, and he would drop her off after their date. AnneMarie had brought her here. Haze liked the little red headed imp, she always seemed to just know how to steer Scarlet in his direction. Haze lived on his own, and he wanted privacy for what he was going to do, but she wasn’t allowed to be here. Her father didn’t trust him. Haze didn’t blame him, because he didn’t trust himself around her either.

Scarlet Hyde would be his undoing, but he didn’t care. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he was never fucking, letting her go. He was nervous as hell, he couldn’t believe he was doing this. He had little he could give this extraordinary woman, but this one thing. Haze had guarded it for so long, and he wasn’t sure he ever wanted it back. He was going to give her his heart. 

He turned on some music and asked her to dance. She smiled a soft smile he knew was only for him, and she wrapped herself into him. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. He wasn’t sure how he ever lived without her near him, but punching that bastard was the greatest thing he had ever done.

He was so lost in thought he didn’t hear his name 

“Caleb?” I love this, but what did you want to talk about? I don’t like lying to my dad.”

Her enormous Calico eyes were searching his, he took a deep breath, “Scarlet, I wanted us to be alone and private when I told you…...”

He looked away and felt his heart pounding, God he couldn’t believe he was willingly and wanted to tell her this.

She brought his chin back with her soft fingertips, Tell me what Caleb?”

He gazed into those eyes. Eyes that entranced him, turned him on, and made him feel like a hero. The hero he knew wasn’t. He was rolling the dice on the biggest fight of his life, but if he was going to tell her how he felt, first he had to tell her everything. That way, if she was going to escape screaming, he could save himself the agony of his heart being out in the world. 

Haze gently took her hand and led her to the couch. 

“I want to tell you about why I’m 18 years old, in high school and live on my own. I want to you to tell you why I won’t take my shirt off. I need you to know. You’ve had questions. I’ve refused to talk about it, and I’m sure you’ve heard rumors.”

Scarlet looked at him. All the softness from earlier was gone. His guard completely up.

She caressed his face, for a minute the softness reappeared at her touch. Scarlet was desperate to put him at ease.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. Nothing you can tell me will change how I feel about you.”

She said it with such earnest and honesty that Haze wanted to believe he had a chance. That this one time he might have a dream instead of a nightmare.

He bit down on the naivety and hope flooding his senses, neither had served him well in the past. All he could do was tell her the truth.

“Scarlet, if you want out after what I have to say, I won’t blame you. I’ll get it.”

She said nothing. Fear was starting to creep up her throat, and all the earlier sweetness of the evening had evaporated. 

Haze grabbed her hand harder than he had ever before. “Tell me you understand.”

“I understand Caleb.”

He looked away from her and began to give the facts of his life. He did it cold, impersonal, and without a hint of emotion in his voice, almost like he was reading a report out loud at school. 

“I come from crap. My dad is a piece of shit who hit my mom, and me for sport. He didn’t do it because he was a drunk. He didn’t do it because he had a drug problem. He did it because he got off on hurting people smaller than him. My mom… she tried so hard to protect me. It only made things worse for her. I know she tried to leave him, but he always found her.”

Scarlet was starting to feel the fear turn into sick. She had picked up on the past tense right away. His mom was at the very least not in his life, at the worst dead. He had stopped for a minute. He had not released her hand. He was gripping it even tighter, almost like if he let go she would disappear.

“When I was 10. She took a stand. A big one. She told him to get out of the house, that she had filed for divorce. His response was to beat her to death, and to try to kill me. My dad is in prison for killing my mom. I was thrown into a foster home, which after losing my mom I didn’t respond well to. I went from foster home to foster home. When I was 14, I ran away. I lived on the streets for a while, but then Frank, who owns the warehouse I work at, took me in. He gave me a job, and saved me from dying on some cold curb. I don’t take my shirt off because my chest and back are a testament to my fucked up father’s abuse. This is what I come from.”

His words fell on a silent room. Haze didn’t know what he expected, but nothing wasn’t it. Scarlet could babble about anything with the strength of a prize fighter. He was scared to look at her, to recognize disgust in her eyes. Worse, he was scared to witness goodbye. His panic was about to erupt out of him when her voice cut down the terrible hush.

“Why now? Why are you telling me this?” her voice was firm but there was no hint of revulsion in her tone.

Haze owed her his eyes for this next part. She deserved to see the truth. 

“Because I wanted you to know who you are dating. Where I come from, and give you an out before, I told you how I feel.”

Scarlet’s body was tense with hurt, and her heart was screaming. She wanted to grab him and tell me how sorry she was. She wanted to find his father, and hurt him as much as he had hurt Caleb and his mother. She simply wanted to love him until he knew he was worth it, and then love him forever. Scarlet could comprehend he was worried she would turn away from him, which wasn’t possible. It would be like asking her to not breathe. It wasn’t something she had control over. Scarlet was also offended he thought so little of her. She grabbed her hand away, and grabbed his face.

“Do you really think that is who I am? That I wouldn’t want to be with you because your childhood was hell? Caleb, you can’t believe I would break up with you because of scars on your body?”

Her simplistic way of thinking pissed him off, and he jumped off the couch.

“Jesus, Scarlet! My dad murdered my mom. He beat the shit out of us for years before that. I’m fucked up. I have nightmares. It’s hard for me to sleep. I box, so I don’t lose my mind with the rage I have in my heart. I come from a man who hurt people for sport. I have that bastard’s DNA in me. I’m tainted Scarlet.”

In a moment of temper he ripped his shirt off, putting his scars, the artifacts of his past, on display like they were at a museum. He didn’t realize he was yelling. His anxiety at the idea he had just given her every reason to run was overwhelming him. Haze noted his chest heaving, and her silence was once again disturbing. 

Lost in his worry, he shouted “Damn it Scarlet. Say something.”

  
  


Scarlet didn’t have words for what she was feeling, so she followed what her heart was instructing her to do. She flew to him, and wrapped her arms around him, and began to kiss the scars on his chest. Closing her eyes, and pouring I love you into each tender caress on his skin. 

Haze rarely let his emotions reach a peak where they overwhelmed him, but he was almost suffocating in what he had just told Scarlet, and then like some damn miracle she saved him with oxygen. He was stunned when she flew at him, and started placing kisses all over his body. There was nothing sexual about the kisses. This was his answer. This was her answer.

He let her kiss be the holy water he never knew he needed. Haze let her kisses on his battered body, tell him she wasn’t going anywhere.

Haze voice hoarse with emotion, 

“Scarlet stop. Look at me, please. I told you all this for a reason.” He hesitated for merely a moment and then gave her all he had.

“I love you Tiny. I don’t ever want to be without you. I know you are only 17 and I’m only 18 but Baby you are it for me.”

He watched a single tear fall down her cheek, and he brushed it away “What is it Scarlet?”

  
  


Scarlet’s heart was pounding “I love you so much, and I was worried you didn’t feel the same.”

He took her face and kissed her softly, “Scarlet. I can’t promise you much, but I promise I will love you forever and that one day I want you to be my wife.”

He slid a simple promise ring on her finger, knowing they were too young to be engaged, but he wanted her to know desperately this was serious to him. He was doing something for her he had never even down for himself... giving a promise of a future.

Her eyes were huge, she kissed him fiercely and it heated his blood. Haze put the brakes on pretty quick. His thread of control was shaky after telling her how he felt, and sharing his past. He badly wanted her, but he respected her innocence. 

“Let me throw my shirt on, and we can go out for a drive. That way you aren’t lying to your dad, and we don’t go somewhere you aren’t ready for.”

He said it so sweetly, and appeared so concerned for her comfort level, that she knew this was it. She wanted him. She wanted to share herself with him the way he had with her. This was loving a man with scars. This was what her mother had talked to her about. She wanted to help heal the biggest scar he had, the one that lay on his heart. Scarlet pressed herself against him, twined her long fingers in his silky hair, and shyly whispered.

“Make me yours Caleb. I want to be with you.”

A saint would have had a hard time not just picking her up and having his way with her and Haze was far from the path of the righteous. He was a young man who wanted the woman he loved, and those words pushed his already straining arousal. 

“Scarlet” He murmured “I don’t except that.”

She stepped back, nearly killed him by unzipping her dress and letting it fall to the floor. There she stood like a goddess in red panties and matching bra. 

“Make me yours, I want this”

Haze needed nothing else. The need to have her was overwhelming and it was a deep dark punch of desire to know no man had had her. She would be totally his. For once in his fucked up life he would have something pure, clean and good. He had watched for years guys ask her out, and her turn him them down flat. She had picked him. She had waited for him. A girl who beamed out innocent, choose her exact opposite. He was near swallowed whole by his love for her. 

Haze lifted her into his arms and carried her into his room. He laid her down gently, and he could see her eyes were thick with desire for him. He covered his body with hers and began to feast on the addicting honey that was her skin. Haze kissed down to her breasts. He told her to sit up, and he quickly unhooked her bra. 

He didn’t know it, would never know it, but right at that moment he said the first thing Hyde ever did to Jackie when he saw her bared chested “Jesus Scarlet you are beautiful” 

Haze put one of those sweet orbs of temptation into his mouth and her whole body arched to him. He had known she would respond to him like this. He was lost on the sea of the idea that no one had ever touched her like this. Ever kiss on her bare skin was new, never touched, and completely pristine. She was simply his, and he planned to never share. No one would ever worship at the altar of Scarlet’s body, but him. That idea made him a zealot in his new found religion. 

Scarlet was whimpering from pleasure, as serious as she and Caleb had been, she kept the touching limited. It scared her how much she wanted him, and now that she felt it coursing through her body, she didn’t know why she didn’t let him do this sooner.

Her whimpers were killing him, God they were sexy, but he wanted her to cry out his name. He needed it. His name on her lips while he drove her to places she had never been was his prayer. He slid his hand into her panties, and before doing what he so badly desired to do, he looked at her and said,

“Baby, may I?”

She could only nod. Haze slipped his fingers into her wetness. If he hadn't already been hard, feeling how wet she was would have done it instantly. 

He kissed her and let his fingers stir up her arousal. “Baby you are so wet” 

Her eyes were smoky with want, and he wanted to discover what they did when he slipped his fingers inside her. 

She arched his back and moaned “Please”

He came down to her and nuzzled her neck, never stopping his fingers from sending her close to the edge.

“Please what Tiny?” 

She opened her eyes and they had gone golden. She gazed at him and let out a purr,

“Please Caleb I want you. You inside of me.”

His ability to slow down stopped, he ripped her panties off and stripped off his clothes in seconds. She came up to him and started kissing his neck and chest, but he was having none of it. 

“Lay down Scarlet” He said forcefully.

He put on a condom, and he parted her silky thighs. She looked beautiful with her body, pulsating with passion.

“Baby this is going to hurt, I’m Sorry” He thrust in her, quickly and smoothly.

He felt her body tense, and she cried out “Caleb” wobbly with pain.

Haze pulled her to him and kissed her tenderly “I’m sorry Baby. It will pass in a second. Shh, ……” 

He reached down to stroke her passion and pressed the button of her desire until the tension had left her body, and that sexy purr returned. 

He began to move slowly. His eyes trained on hers, and he could feel her passion riding close to the edge. He began to thrust harder, and she arched to him and cried his name 

“Caleb. I love you.” as she exploded around him

He was close, and he demanded she open her eyes “Scarlet look at me.”

Her eyes came open, he thrust into her again and said “This. You. Only mine.”

Her eyes went back to gold, and she said “forever”

Haze went right over the edge, collapsing on her, “I love you.” he whispered softly into her ear.

Haze felt a deep satisfaction at claiming her and knowing he would fulfill his promise. He would love her forever, and she would belong to no one but him.

That night, when he dropped her off, he pulled her into a passionate kiss. He grabbed her face and kissed her lightly one more time, and he said

“I love you Tiny.”

“I love you,” she whispered back. She pulled out of his arms, feeling cold instantly. The warmth of his embrace had filled her, and now she wanted to stay there. 

He watched until she was in the house and then laid his head back. Haze was a man of his word, and he had made a promise tonight. He had promised she was it for him. It was as simple as that. For the first time in years, he envisaged a future, and it was shining with Scarlet.

* * *

Scarlet was a wreck on emotion. She needed to talk to someone who loved her best. She did what she had done her whole life when her heart was exploding and went into her brother’s room. Scarlet crawled into his bed and poked him like she did when she was little and scared. Frankly, she was surprised he wasn’t awake waiting for her, knowing something was going on with her.

“SJ....... I need you”

His eyes flew open…. Being a twin had its pluses and its minuses and one of the minuses was instant terror when he saw his sister with tears in her eyes and a lip trembling. 

He went stony “what did he do? I’ll Kill Him”

She shook her head quickly, ‘No. SJ, he loves me.” 

She tucked herself in her brother's arms and started to sob. “He loves me. He gave me a promise ring.” 

SJ let himself feel what she was experiencing. SJ was much better at blocking Twinning than Scarlet was. If he didn’t try to shield himself, he would suffer a life of drowning emotions. He closed his eyes, let and their connection sing. It hit him like concrete. It was huge. Whatever had happened was more than she could contain. SJ could tell his sister loved Haze desperately, it killed him that she was slipping away from him, dad and mom to someone else. He was terrified that if something came between them, Scarlet would never be the same.

“Steven James?” He whipped his head up. He didn’t know the last time his sister had called him by his given name. Most people thought James was his middle name, but it wasn’t. It was his mother’s unique way to name him after his father but make him different. He didn’t actually have a middle name. Steven James was his full first name, and no one called him that. No one. Even his mother kept it to Steven. To hear it from her caused him to tense. Whatever was coming was huge.

‘Yes Kathleen?”

“Secret?”

His heart began to pound. This was them down to their souls. They were each other’s secret keepers. They had been doing this their whole lives. They would crawl into each other's bed and talk or comfort each other when scared. Scarlet had no secrets from her brother, and he had none from her. One of them always started with Secret and the response was always…...

“Promise”

She gazed at her first best friend, her brother, the person who had never let her down and spilled her heart 

“I asked him to be with me. We made love SJ and it made my heart feel like it was exploding.”

He knew instantly that was what he had felt when he opened himself to their connection. She had connected herself to Haze. SJ wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say to this, his first reaction was to hunt Haze down and kick his ass for touching his sister. His second instinct was to find Haze and tell him he better run for his life. If his father ever found out…. Haze was a dead man, but he went with what he knew she needed

“ScarJar…. Are you okay? Did he take care of you?”

She lifted her head off her brother's chest and whispered

“Yes, he was wonderful. I love him so much.” She started to cry from the joy of it and no idea that out in the hall, her father heard every word.

* * *

Hyde felt like someone had punched him. His baby girl and been with a boy. He staggered down the hall and gasped out

“Jackie”

Jackie woke instantly, her name said like someone was dying. There in the doorway was her husband staggering, like he had been shot. She had never in all the years they had known each other witnessed him like this. She wasn’t conscious when she had been in the accident, so she had no idea he dropped to his knees in the hospital and that Eric thought Hyde was going to finally break.

“Steven!”

She jumped up and ran to him. His face was white and his eyes panicked, like he wanted to be anywhere but where he was. She grabbed him, brought him to the bed, and he immediately put his head between his legs, still saying nothing.

“Steven! YOU are scaring me!” 

Then the world turned upside down. His head came up, and the man in front of her was one she hoped to never see again. It was the man who yelled at her in the kitchen after he tried to kill Kelso. His eyes were sky gray and there was absolutely no sign of Steven. Jackie got up and threw herself against the door.

‘Move Jackie, I am going to kill that mother fucker.” Hyde raged

Jackie was 100% unsure of what was happening. What in the world could cause him to go from shock to pissed like this? Her mind scanned what it could be, and then she remembered Scarlet had been out with Caleb. Steven had been waiting up for her like he always did.

“Steven, whatever happened, you can’t kill that boy. Put Hyde back in the box. I need you to put him away.” she gently whispered

His eyes morphed backed into ones of pain and disappointment,

“He had sex with my baby girl.”

He fell back on the bed and let his head rest in his hands. 

Jackie felt a thousand things, panic, sadness, hope and fear. She and Scarlet had talked about this at length and if she was intimate with Caleb, he was it for her. This was her Steven, she would never love anyone but him. It both killed her and made her so happy that her daughter found the man she would love forever. 

She dropped and walked over on her knees to Steven. Jackie put herself between his legs and wrapped her arms around him.

“Steven, she loves him. _She loves him_. She wouldn’t have done that with him otherwise. She and I have talked about sex quite a bit. I know it’s tough, but baby…. Caleb is it for Scarlet”

His head came up and she could see tears. He never cried and when he did it broke her heart. He so rarely let himself feel openly. 

  
  


“Jackie, she's a kid. She’s only 17. It’s impossible for her to be in love. She is too young to be screwing some guy.”

Jackie knew firmness was needed here and that he wouldn’t like what she had to say

“Steven James Hyde, did you give a damn about any of those cheerleaders you banged? How about Pam Macy? You’ve been having sex, since you were 13, and don’t you dare tell me it's different.”

She could identify stubbornness coming into his features. Jackie played her trump card, she got up and sat on his lap. She wrapped her legs around him and said “I was 16 when I gave myself to you and it was my damn idea.”

“Look at me, really look at me”

He knew there was no resisting that request, and he saw in her eyes the story of their touch. Which he knew started when she was younger than Scarlet, and he had never hesitated to be with her once he could. The minute Jackie had given him access to her body, he had never not wanted to be with her. 

“Steven, I’ve never once regretted giving you my body that day. Even when I was hurt beyond belief and thought you and I were done, I would have never erased that choice. She loves him. She’s found her Steven.”

Hyde’s heart was breaking, and he wasn’t ready to be done being pissed

“He doesn't deserve her. He’s trash and I won’t have it. She is better than that.”

With that Jackie’s patience broke

“STEVEN! Damn it! He’s you! He’s Hyde! The boy no one believes in, but keeps going. The boy who had a terrible life, but has not let it make him what he came from. The boy with a temper and a terrible need to protect his people and possessions that he has worked so hard for. The boy who thinks maybe for once he might get a break. He’s a fighter. He won’t let anyone put him in a box. He struggles with his demons, but wants a soft place to land. He’s Haze to the world, but to Scarlet he is Caleb. Just like you were always Steven to me and Hyde to everyone else. _She’s me_. The DAMN PRINCESS WHO LOVED THE BOY NO ONE THOUGHT SHE SHOULD.”

He looked at Jackie and said what he still believed “I know he is Jackie, I don’t want that for her. He has scars. Deep ones. Ones that aren’t healed, that our daughter isn’t ready for. She has led a life of sunshine and rainbows. We gave that to her because we wanted her to never know they life we lead as children. Jackie, he will hurt her. Not because he means too, but because he won’t know what the fuck to do with what he feels. I wouldn’t trade what I have with you. I count on it, but I didn’t deserve you then and I don’t now. I don’t want her to love any version of me. She should have better.”

She reached up and stroked his face “You were wrong then and you are wrong now. It’s what caused us so many problems for so long. This insane belief that you should only have bad things. Neither you nor Caleb deserve anything but someone who loves you completely. Baby, they are Jackie and Hyde. I love you Steven. I’ve loved you my whole life, don’t you dare say I don’t deserve you. Don’t you dare say I don’t deserve a man who loves me with everything he is. Why wouldn't you want Scarlet to have what I have?”

“I want love to be easy for her. I don’t want her heart to ever feel the way I made yours feel.”

Jackie’s eyes burned brightly, and she grabbed his face, “Love is hard. If it’s real it’s tough. It’s brutal. It knocks you down, and near kills you. It takes work, sacrifice, blood, and tears. It tears you down and reshapes you. Real Love is a daily choice to overcome the imperfections of life. It is something you do, not something that happens to you. I want that for my daughter. I want her to have what I have. I’ll die before I let her live her life half loved. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. I want my baby to find her Steven. It’s been my prayer since she was laid in my arms. He’s it. That boy loves our girl, and she loves him.”

He pulled her close. He would never be able to rectify his daughter being with a man, but to hear Jackie say what she said even after all this time awed him. Jackie’s ability to love him was the great miracle of his life. It saved him. It still did. 

“I love you Doll.”

Her eyes went brilliant, and she whispered “I love you too, now take me to bed and show me”

Hyde buried himself in Jackie, the redemption he never thought he deserved but was granted anyway. She was his Church. Losing himself in her was his most passionate Amen. 


End file.
